A couple of days ago on the other blog, I had a "what if" question on being a pirate captain. Well, im going to dick around with that idea for a while. I've been doing a little thinking on how I would run a kickass pirate ship. Were still in the 1700's. Well, lets say its just me and my ship, and I'm looking to recruit a badass crew. I dont want some small, skinny, ball eating pirate, I want to get the strongest, burliest guys in the world. Where the hell would I go? Well, the great kickass region of Scandanavia, the land of the vikings. I would definitly want those bastards fighting for me. There would be a few requirements before being able to join. In order to be a crew member of the "HurlyBurlyMaster", you would have to be able to grow a beard. These men will be called the Beardites instead of Pirates. This is a much higher class of man and with more balls then the fag pirates. If you didnt have a beard and you told me you could grow one, I would give you 2 days to give me a sign that you could grow one. If you lied to me and you cant grow a beard, well your in some deep boiling hairy shit. The rest of the Beardites will throw you over board and then piss on top of you from the deck. If you think this is disgusting, then you need to mature up a bit because this is what Beardites do. Next requirement, you need to be able to chop through 2 1/2 pieces of wood at once with an ax. If you can do this, well then your a Beardite. When I get my full crew of Beardites, its of to war. So, lets say I'm the captain. My ship is looking forward to kick some fucking ass. On our free time, we would have ax throws and log tosses on the poop deck. The winner was Sebastian Crapinabox. Damn what a soul! We were sailing one day, and all of a sudden....oh shit! Chinks! We encountered the chinese fuckship, "General Tsao Wang Poo"! They really surprised us, but they were no match against the HurlyBurlyMaster. My men sounded off the war bugles and screamed there warcry and each grabbed an ax and jumped on there ship! The Hong Kongians tried to do some Karate but there hands and feet got stuck in the beards and they just got fucked! It was great victory. We stole there egg rolls and there beef cheng chong. The Beardites had many vicotorys and beat many people like Tony Seliga's greatgreatx5 grandfathers tribe of the coast of El Salvador. Damn they didnt have a chance! Though many victories, they went silent in history. Do you think you could be a Beardite?
5 comments:
Are you going to let chicks on your ship? What will you eat? Children?
The Van Halen dudes grew up in my hometown. Michael Anthony still lives there.
Chicks will definitly be able to come on but only when were in town getting some booty (For the dirty dogs I mean money)! We'll eat anything we can get our hands on including wood chips if worst comes to worst. Srry, children cant come on unless they have beards.
This is unrelated to the blog, but I love the song 'Mr.Tambourine Man.' I was soooo pumped when I heard it on your page.
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I don't think I have a chance on the Beardite ship but I think Paul Lemon would have a super chance of being part of the HurlyBurlyMaster.
Nope! I have no chance. I'm not burly enough...which is a good thing though. I'll leave the burliness up to you!
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