Oh shit, the Beardites!!

A couple of days ago on the other blog, I had a "what if" question on being a pirate captain. Well, im going to dick around with that idea for a while. I've been doing a little thinking on how I would run a kickass pirate ship. Were still in the 1700's. Well, lets say its just me and my ship, and I'm looking to recruit a badass crew. I dont want some small, skinny, ball eating pirate, I want to get the strongest, burliest guys in the world. Where the hell would I go? Well, the great kickass region of Scandanavia, the land of the vikings. I would definitly want those bastards fighting for me. There would be a few requirements before being able to join. In order to be a crew member of the "HurlyBurlyMaster", you would have to be able to grow a beard. These men will be called the Beardites instead of Pirates. This is a much higher class of man and with more balls then the fag pirates. If you didnt have a beard and you told me you could grow one, I would give you 2 days to give me a sign that you could grow one. If you lied to me and you cant grow a beard, well your in some deep boiling hairy shit. The rest of the Beardites will throw you over board and then piss on top of you from the deck. If you think this is disgusting, then you need to mature up a bit because this is what Beardites do. Next requirement, you need to be able to chop through 2 1/2 pieces of wood at once with an ax. If you can do this, well then your a Beardite. When I get my full crew of Beardites, its of to war. So, lets say I'm the captain. My ship is looking forward to kick some fucking ass. On our free time, we would have ax throws and log tosses on the poop deck. The winner was Sebastian Crapinabox. Damn what a soul! We were sailing one day, and all of a sudden....oh shit! Chinks! We encountered the chinese fuckship, "General Tsao Wang Poo"! They really surprised us, but they were no match against the HurlyBurlyMaster. My men sounded off the war bugles and screamed there warcry and each grabbed an ax and jumped on there ship! The Hong Kongians tried to do some Karate but there hands and feet got stuck in the beards and they just got fucked! It was great victory. We stole there egg rolls and there beef cheng chong. The Beardites had many vicotorys and beat many people like Tony Seliga's greatgreatx5 grandfathers tribe of the coast of El Salvador. Damn they didnt have a chance! Though many victories, they went silent in history. Do you think you could be a Beardite?

Fighting Bear Tactics!!

Alright, I have been thinking and dicking around about the idea of bear attacks. Lets say your taking a huge massive shit in a hole outside in the wild wilderness. Your goin, but you start to hear some noises in the hole that your crappin in. You ask yourself what the hell you had for lunch but then you learn soon your shiting in a bear den. You pissed the bear off beacause you got one of the cubs in the face! The mom's pissed and its dancin and yellin and coming right for you. What the hell do you? Do you run for your life? Do you jump in a lake? Do you jump into a volcano? Do you finish your shit? Well, on one of my humpback whale riding adventures in the deep north, of the baltic sea, I was able to sit down with some of the greatest Alaskan bear hunting prodigy's, chief Humpatree, chief Hardsquash, and chief Fireballs. These men were amazing with there dancing and peace pipe smoking. They were saying how Tony Seliga's south american moves were great. I asked them for advice on how to survive a bear attack, and this what they told me..."If the bear comes for you, climb a tree or drop to a fetal position. Cover you head and neck with your hands. Keep on your pack to protect your back. Even if the bear bites you continue to play dead. Once he realizes that you are not a threat he may leave. If he does not stop, fight back and make as much noise as possible". Now, I was alright with most of this, but, the first bite it takes at my ass, Im not going to keep playing dead, Im going straight for the ball sac! While chief Humpatree was doing his business, I was telling the other two baboons some ideas how I would fight these animals. I already told you the first step, then you have to find a tree and get on one of the branches. Now the bear isn't going to leave, so when it comes to the tree, you have to surprisingly jump on it and ride it for a while. After that it was just me a chief Fireballs. You just have to hang on tight until the damn thing calms down. The badass is going to be runnin, dancing, pissen, hissen and you better not let go. Then! As it calms down for a second, this is your chance to hop off and do your chinese, bruce lee, chuck norris, migook, slappie chan moves. Your going to need to round house kick that ballfighting warhorse at any spot you can get it at. Your going to need hands of a tiger to block those fast throws its giving you. Its going to be a win or die situation. This is a no weapon situation. Once you get it on the ground, kick it or hit it right between the eyes. Dont run from the damn bear! Do you want to be the asshole who runs away, or do you want to be the lean mean ballfighting machine that took down that bear. Its your choice. If you get caught in a bear fight, just think about what chief Fireballs and the boys and I were talking about. You see the man in the picture, thats Frito. Were goin on a bear hunt!!!! He's the all time bear champion with 8 1/2 kills!! Anybody up for a hunt sometime with Rambo and Frito?

The Blog of "What If's"...

I'm just going to come up with some "what if" questions and answer them to the best of my ability. Ha!

- What if you were chillen in the middle of the sahara and a Rhino came after you? Hmm... well, I would first shit my pants, and try to run with the load. I would definitly be screaming insanely loud. I would throw sticks and leaves at it and try to blind it with some dust. I mean, the only thing you can really do is fight it face to face. Anybody with a pair of balls can win!

- What if you had a huge, high powered speed boat? I would take it down to the Gulf of Mexico and have some fun with those badass fag Cuban drug smugglers with there high powered boats. I would ram them with my boat, piss in it and sink it because there boat sucks! I would steal the drugs and recreate the Boston Tea Party and keep the cigars. I would give the one's floating on tires free, huge wave rides and watch them bob up and down.

- What if Davis could grow a beard? That would be fucking sweet. A ginger beard!!

- What if you were a Pirate Captain in the 1700's? If I were a pirate captain, I would take my ship and crew to a small enchanted island and just chill there. We would take all of our Rum and shit and just have a small party under the palm trees. We would build huge fires and listen to Bob Marley! At night, we would just dance around the fire and have a blast! I would invite the local hispblackasian people to join. Then we would go up to the highest volcano point and crap in it! After, we would challenge them to a warcry contest with our war bugles. After, we would just call it a night.

- What if you could hold one contest of any kind, what would it be? If I could hold any contest, I would hold a guys longest distant pissing contest. You could hold this in the woods, and you would have the contestants go one at a time and see how far they can piss. Then they would put a stick on the spot that they reached the farthest. Then the next person would step up and go. The interesting thing about this is that you dont have underdogs or favorites. The littlest man could kick your ass at any second!! Anybody could win! The winner would receive a certificate saying that he's a long distant pisser champion!

- What if you were stuck in the woods with one other person in war against China, what would you want that person to be like? I would want somebody like myself except with the name John Rambo (actual rambo). If me and him were working together, imagine how much damage we would create. We would be able to get the chinks in no time. Also, we could just hunt our own food. We get a panda and eat it! It would be pretty sweet, and the chinks wouldnt stand a chance with John!

- What if Tony Seliga got the hottest Asian in the world? I would be fucking jealous!

The Beard!

I dont know where to start with this so I'm just going to dive in on the good shit! Earlier this year, I had some pretty long hair, but I turned around in December like a dumbass and got it cut. Right after the cut, I knew it was a disaster and I was devastated. This happened at the beginning of christmas break and I didnt really shave for the whole vacation and I came upon a discovery. I can grow a fucken beard! So, I was like, damn, lets keep it growin it along with the hair.. I found it to be a good look and its pretty comfortable. I've taken a few glances once in a while in school and have to come to a sad conclusion that there are only a select few guys with beards. What the hell?!! I know that alot of guys cant grow one, but the guys that can, come on! At least Mark Roberts is growin one! Even though Davis Stell cant grow one, he's still has longer facial hair then half the guys! Guys? Are you worried its going to look bad? Worried the girls arn't going to like it? Worried its going to feel uncomfortable? Be proud to grow one if you can! Cameron Sorcochman, get it goin man, get it goin!!! First of all, having a beard in the winter, it seriously keeps your face warm. And second, you've got balls! Your not like everybody else! Instead of trying to look like fabulous, with your "hollister" clothes (no offense to anybody, its just, what the hell is up with California? Were in fucking New York! Still like you guys though), take a path off the main damn road! Take the scenic route where only a few go! Do something nobody else is willing to do! If you dont like the scenic route, then hop back on the main road! At least try it, see how you like it! You only live once!

Meet Guido Sanchez?

Alright, what the hell is this guys deal? First of all, I cant really tell if he's an arabian fighter or maybe even an arabian knight! Or maybe he's just a spanish, hispanic dude. He does kind of have a Columbian tint to him, but who knows. Do you think he really loves NY or do you think he's just wearing it because he spilled some Columbian coffee all over his rebel uniform. If I were the cameraman, I would give this guy a bag of Tostito's because he looks pissed! Who do you think this character is? You cant judge somebody by the type of clothes they where. You have to get to know them. He kind of looks like a guy with a name Guido Sanchez.

The Prediction!

Alright, from what I'm hearing, there's a good chance that were not going to have school for the next couple of days because of the next snowstorm. I'm gonna predict that were not going to have school tomorrow or on Wednesday. It would be kickass because I could use the extended break. I think were going to get around 10 inches of heavy snow. Well, enjoy yourselves out in the world. Maybe i'll go out and find a bear and kill it with my bear hands!

The End...

I have to say, this month has been a good month so far. We have had every other week off and a couple of snow days. Its been a good week. Its nice not having to deal with school and all the other shit. I was able to relaxe a bit and catch up on some kickass sleep. I definitly have better dreams on breaks. Like last night, I was dreaming about helping some guy out with his car in a jungle and it turned out it was George Harrison! It was sweet! I hate it when I'm having a great dream but then it gets interupted by the damn alarm clock. I'm gonna miss waking up at 10 and just doing whatever. I have the "final countdown" song because this break is soon to end. Oh well, see you guys and dolls tomorrow.

The Music!

Today was a pretty chilled back day. I was basically just relaxing and listening to some music. In the past couple of years, music has become a big part of my life. On my free time, I just listen to it, sing it, research it, and write lyrics. The sound of music just relaxes me and gets me thinking about different things. The kind of music that I like to music is mostly rock music from the 60's to the 80's. Im not really a big fan of the modern rock. Especially the fast, screaming stuff. I remember back in middle school, I was into the rap and not really into rock, but that changed. On the first day of 9th grade, I remember when I went on the bus and took a seat and I started listening to the music that was playing. I was introduced to rock! I dont remember what song it was but its kind of funny that a my bus ride got me into rock. When I look for good music, I look for meaningful lyrics with good melody. You can kind of get the taste of my music with it playing right here on the blog. If you dont like it, its cool, just turn it down or off. If you like it, sweet listen on man! Everybody has there own opinion and its excepted. My all time favorite artist is John Lennon, after and when he was with the Beatles. My all time favorite song is Imagine when he was solo. Its a peaceful song with a meaningful lyrics. My favorite Beatle song of his was Across The Universe. This song is slow and it flows along. I like how he adds the words "Jai guru deva om" which in mantra means "hail to the divine guru". You can hear it down below if you want. Its pretty sweet. Then I like music in the 70's including Boston, Styx, Kansas, Floyd. Then the 80's with kickass Van Halen, incredible music! The Final Countdown by Europe is one of my alltime favorites. And way more! So, I like alot of rock and music! Any music that you enjoy, look up the lyrics if you dont know them and find the real meaning of the song!

The Alps!

The one place that I would like to visit would be the Alps in switzerland. I think switzerland is a pretty kickass country. The whole entire country is basically mountains. It would be sweet if I could just go hiking up in those huge mountains and maybe spend a night in one of those small villages and chill with the locals. Maybe camp at the top of one of the summits and kick back. I would probably pull out a chair and listen to some Boston and watch the sweet sunset. I would want to probably go in the spring so you can be in a green valley but then look up and see tons of snow high up. Skiing wouldn't even be a question. I would definitly have to go down some of those awesome mountain sides. I would rent a car for like two weeks and just sight see the country. The country is small so I could get alot in. It would be a sweet place to visit!

This Crazy World...

I turned on the news earlier today and found that the U.S. embassy was on fire in Kosovo. At first, I was just like "those bastards again?". But I kept watchin and I saw these protesters lighting buildings on fire and throwin shit at the military vehicles (6:40). It was fucking crazy! I guess the serbians were pissed of because there country branched off for independence, but the citizens didnt want that so they got pissed off and showed a little anger. I thought it was entertaining watching those badasses jump on the military vehicles and the trucks started driving to get the people off the windshield. But it wasn't cool what they did to our place. There was also a charred body in our embassy. The U.S. isn't to happy because Russia wasn't for the independence and they may have encouraged the protests. The Russians are starting to piss me off a little bit,not just because of this protest but also, they weren't to happy with us shooting down the satellite. China also. They thought we might of been making an excuse to maybe shooting down one of there satellites. I dont like the Russians. There a bunch of winers and they need to chill out. The Chinese to, there taking all of our damn jobs! But we need to keep peace with Russia and China or they could fuck us over later in the future!

Philmont

Last summer, I got the oppurtunity to go to New Mexico with my troop for a 12 day hiking trip. There were 10 of us in all (a couple in Kreiger's classes), and we spent one week in Colorado and about two in New M. I knew it was going to be a the most diffulcult thing that I've ever done, but thats what I like to do, challenge myself. It was honestly a trip of a lifetime. Its so different out there then it is here in New York. The land is different and the air is alot drier. The first couple of days into the hike, we kind of took it easy and got used to the cooking and other stuff like purifying our water. We were seriously out in the middle of no where. It was cool though, you were able to hear the animals and the wind and just use the moon as light. The next few days were pretty sweet, but a challenge. The seventh day, we had to climb this huge mountain, Mt. Phillips (14,000 ft.). But it was the best feeling when we got to the top. We were above the tree line so you could see anything. There was even a fighter jet that flew over (Air force acadamy was like 100 miles away). Before this mountain, at times I told myself, "I cant wait until this damn hike is over". But that was soon to change. I think it was the tenth day or something, we climbed the top of this huge rock called cathedral rock and when I looked at the view, something hit me. It was a feeling telling me, "damn colin, enjoy this moment, its one of a few". It was amazing. You could literally see for hundreds of miles. After this, I didn't want this hike to end. The last night, we slept near this mountain (basically rock) called "the tooth of time". This was a sign that santa fe was two weeks away or something in the 1800's. Anyways, some of us got up at 3 and watch a meteor shower. I remember laying there just looking up at the stars and watching them fall. Its cool just to look at how many they are how its possible. The stars are the one thing that I remember most. The next morning, we got up at 5 to go to the top and watch the sunrise from the "tooth". It was honestly the most amzing thing I ever saw. Sitting on the edge of this huge rock looking out hundreds of miles just looking at the sunrise. If you get the oppurtunity to do something challenging, do it, because theres something at the end that will reward you.

Flash!

I was looking at youtube the other day and I came across this video of a kid in flash mask on the news. The wierd thing is, he wasn't supposed to be on. What the fuck? I really dont know what to say about this. I would like to know how he got on T.V. Its hilarious though, its not just a kid on t.v., its a kid wearing wearing a flash mask. Somebody get this kid into some sports! If your sitting at home, on the computer all the time, and trying to hack into computrs, wearing a flash mask (!!), then go outside, and enjoy yourself out in the real world. Why the hell would you want to try and hack into a newschannel? He should do it like in the middle of one of the presidential adresses. Ha! Do you know how much shit and money that kid would get into. He would get in trouble at first but then he would get on the night shows. Kids like this scare me a little. Who know what they're capable of! I sometimes wonder if some of these kids have like spaceships or ufo's ready for flight. Wow! Il stop talking.

Sailing.....

I dont really have to think to hard on this one. Ever since I was a small lad, I've always loved the ocean. Also, being on a sailboat was also sweet. I have been sailing a number of times and its just the shit. Its relaxing. Just watching the water, especially at night with the sunset at the ocean. Its just awesome. So, my dream job is to be a sailing instructor down in the Caribbean. I think it would just be awesome like after college, just move down to the caribbean and if I have enough moola, get a boat and start giving lessons. Not in one of those populated ports, but in a small town outside of a city. Live on the boat for a while, then after getting more money, buy a sweet little shack or building for like a business place. During college, I would get my sailing liscence and I already have my scuba liscence so I could give sailing and scuba lessons at the same time. Maybe like every weekend, I would do a small trip for two days. I might find a nice girl down their and we could just realaxe. After work each night, I would just lay back on my boat, and just watch the sunset and maybe watch the lightning from one of those badass storms far out. Maybe grab a beer, and definitly, listen to some Bob Marley. It would be Jamming. I would come back here for the holidays. Then theres the hurricanes. I love hurricanes. I've been in a couple, and the force of them are awesome. The adrenaline rush of being in one is a thrill. Just the power of one is outragous. So, a sailing instructor, I think its almost like a dream. Its either this or a police officer. I think this sounds way better. Well, time will tell, life has surpises and maybe this dream will come true.

Law Enforcement

The one thing in the news that pisses me off is all the crime and murder that happens in the nation and in the communties these days. Thats why I want to be a cop. I might be one up here or maybe down in the city but either way, I'm going to catch those hardasses. I want to help out the community by getting rid of those criminals. Now, I'm not going to be one of those jackass cops where they pull over somebody thats going like 4 mph over the speed limit. Thats fucked up. The one thing I hate, is when somebody tries to act like a badass in the wrong way. I think it would be sweet getting into one of those speed chases going after the asshole who won't stop. There isn't a chance in hell il let them get away. I cant imagine the adrenaline rush in one of those chases. You must feel good after catching the bastard. Ha, kind of reminds me of superbad after they catch old fag in the resturaunt, Ha! Then there's those drug labs. Like the meth labs, the people that are running those ass labs are just stupid. Meth can really screw you up and those people need to be found and thrown in jail. Also, cops arn't stuck in an office all the time. Your actually out doing something and helping out your town or city. It also keeps you in shape. Yea, it can be dangerous but some people have to do the job to keep society going. So, those badasses better watch out!

February and March

Since the super bowl, sports has been pretty boring. For me, the only two sports that I really like to watch is football and baseball. Football ended earlier this month and baseball doesn't start until April. So, what the hell am I supposed to watch? All thats really playing is basketball and I cant stand watching it. All you do is watch a ball go back and forth on a court. Its fun to play but I cant stand watching it. Hockey is alright, I like the fights. The winter sports are pretty sweet also. But the winter sports arn't on to often which sucks because watchin it is awesome. Oh well, guess il have to wait until April and just do my own thing.

Its coldd outside!

Yea, just got back from a campout last night. And fuck was it freezing! Where I was, it got down to 0 degrees. It was outragous. We got up their friday night and it wasn't to bad until like 8:00. I cant begin to explain how cold it was. I like to go camping alot, but damn, when it gets below 20 (This guy looks like he would kick somebodys ass right away) , I begin to ask myself, "why the hell did I go on this campout?". Thats exactly what I said last night when I was getting into my sleeping bag. I was with my troop and in lean-to's. In the summer, its great camping. You can sleep in without a sleeping and not be cold and do whatever and go to bathroom without a problem. In the winter, you to wear 10 layers and make sure you dont freeze your ass off. It especially sucks when you wake up at 3 in the morning and you have to take a piss. Your all comfy and warm in your bag, but you know you have to go out their and do your business. Most of the time I'm like their isn't a shot in hell I'm getting out of my bag. But last night, I had to go! It was brutal!!! First of all, I just woke up from having a dream where I was playing as luke skywalker. Thats all I remember but I know it must of been a great dream. Second, i found that my boot laces were frozen into the shape of a square, what the hell? And third, one of my goddamn boots was on the other side of the lean-to. Hopping on one leg while needing to take a piss isn't a walk in the park. Worse, after i took a squirt, i had to try and get into my bag again which is hard. When you take your foot out of your boot, its hell. Oh well, I love the snow and their was alot of it and listening to sweet wind. But, i like to give myself a challenge!

Heaven...

Before I go to bed, I sometimes think about our afterlife. Where we headen? Where we going, how're we getting their? I think when we get up to heaven, will get in a line and some dude will be at the gate looking at a scroll with all of the crap we did in our life. Ha, I cant wait until he sees all of the stuff i've done. I always wonder what its gonna look like when we get inside the joint. Maybe its just like down here, i hope not! It would be sweet if their could be like a teleportal for everybody up their so you can go anywhere you want in any time period. I would want to go to the past and go to some hardcore concerts like in the 70's and 80's. Damn that would be awesome. When were up their, maybe we can ask for something and it will appear magically in front of us. I would probably ask for a boat or something and just cruise wherever on the magical ocean. Everything would be free with like a palace for everyone. That would be the shit. Ha, you could invite John Lennon over for some coffee or a smoke and just play some music. We could talk about his peace movements and all the crazy shit he did. So awesome! It would be cool to meet George Harrison and listen to him play guitar. Who knows, i would be so pissed if we didnt go anywhere after we died!! Ha, i wouldnt know anyways. Damn, guess we'll have to wait and see!

How about the snow?

Ever since I had four legs when I was little, I've always liked the snow. It gives the earth a way cooler look. The only thing that sucks about snow is when its melting and you start to see the grass. To me, its the ugliest thing to look at. Snow and grass at the same time with mud! Anyways, before a snowstorm, I'm always watching the weather and sometimes telling myself, "fuck yea! were getting the most snow out of everybody!". Its pretty sweet when your going to get the worst and most extreme conditions. But I get so pissed off when I find out that most of the snow is going miss us. I get so mad! When the storm comes, I'm always outside just chillin with some rock playing watching the snow fall. Snowstorms at night are way better! Especially on a school night. It's a great feeling knowing that this white stuff is able to cancel school. Ha! Its alway pretty funny watching my neighbors trying to get up their driveway and listening to them yell and curse. Damn! Its so funny! The day that school's cancelled, I might go skiing for the day. Its sweet skiing in a snowstorm, again, even better at night. you can barely see whats in front of you and its cool to watch the lights on the trail fade because of the snow. I think snow looks best on the huge mountains. I remember when I went to the rockies during the summer and it was 90 degrees at the base of a mountain, but when you look up at the top, theirs snow! It looked so damn cool, so I went to the top. It was like a different world up their. I was able to make a snowball in the middle of August. It was kickass! I dont know, thats what I got to say about the snow.

School? Class? hmm...well>>>>>>

So far, this year has been flying by faster then Ravi Shankar on his magic carpet. I have to give thanks to my History of Rock and Roll class. Before this year, when somebody would ask me, "so, whats your favorite class in school?", I would always give them a dirty look like, and say to myself "why the hell did you ask me that?". I would always tell them history was, which was true, but it was the least crappiest class out of all the crappy classes. The first half of this year, I took History of Rock and Roll. Now, that was the best class ever! I mean, come on! Whats a better way then to chill out in class, and listen to Rock for the whole period. Damn do I miss that class! We started out with the roots of Rock and blues and worked all the way to The Beatles and Woodstock. We even got some chemistry in their, learning about the LSD chemists. Imagine being at the Monterey Pop Festival or at Woodstock! Just chillin for a couple days, listening to rock day and night. These events brought out some of the best bands in history. Plus, everybody was doing drugs so, it was one of the most peaceful places to be. I dont know, It must of been the shit growing up watching these bands emerge. The only thing that pissed me off in the class was that we never got to Van Halen! Panama! Jump! Ha! SO GOOD! 1984! (Completely recommend clicking on the Panama link, enjoy!!!!!) Damn do I miss the class! Oh well, doin the blogs are pretty sweet in place. Just another great chapter to my life. It was truely my favorite class in my schooling career. See you in Panama!

My Favo Movie is>>>>

Im gonna have to go with Rambo:First Blood. You've got a veteren green beret from vietnam, homeless, looking for a lost friend out west, which turns out he's dead. So he keeps walking and gets to this town where he's just looking for something to eat. This jackass sheriff comes along and throws Rambo out of the town. Rambo's like "What the hell?" He wants his meal!!!!! I would be pissed, if i was veteran that got
#&%(*# up in vietnam, and I cant get a meal in my own country! I would be mad! I mean, give the man a steak and beer! Anyways, long story short, he goes back to town, cops catch him, he breaks out of jail, isn't seen for 3 days, blows up the town and then gets caught. This movie had so much action in it, it was epic. Their was blood, action and more swearing then you could ask for. SO AWESOME! The first time i watched this movie, the whole time, half off my ass was hanging off the couch. I was in aw. Especially when Rambo jumped off the cliff and that part when he got the wood jammed into his side. I was always hoping Rambo would get away and get on with his life. But nope. Just a little word of advice, dont make a green beret mad or your in for one hell of a day! Rambo? The Best! Damn what a movie!

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